Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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