oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
