I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
