R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
