Need sex. Gaining weight.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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