Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
