I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
