please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
