Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
