i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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