so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize