I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
