We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
