I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
