Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
