this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize