census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
