Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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