Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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