Umm I'm too high to move.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
