i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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