strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
