Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
