remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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