fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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