the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
