i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
