I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
