I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
