he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
