Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
