I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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