so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
