if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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