In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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