She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Redeem this text for a blowjob
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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