Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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