when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
