I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
