I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
