if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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