you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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