He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
