he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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