I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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