Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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