I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
