she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
