Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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