'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
