All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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