I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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