i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
