i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
