is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
