Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
