He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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