I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
