one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
