so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
