If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i think im in europe. pls send help
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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