I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
