i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Randomize
