so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
