my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
