She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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