her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
